I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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