and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was like eating out sand paper
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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