Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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