Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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