When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My vagina is very pro this idea
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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