I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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