we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize