everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I DEMAND FORESKIN
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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