exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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