my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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