i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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