my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize