i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just threw up on my dentist
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
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You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm always down for nudity.
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