she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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