I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize