When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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