He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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