im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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