This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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