Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This toilet bowl is my home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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