I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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