Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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