i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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