i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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