so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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