Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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