I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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