I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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