went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize