Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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