your parents love me but you hate me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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