Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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