my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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