so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You dont lie about slip and slides
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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