'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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