I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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