four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm like, not good at living.
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