he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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