It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
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i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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