just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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