Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We named our party play list daddy issues
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dick very happy bro
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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