Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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