worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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