Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
even my farts smell like vagina
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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