I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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