I need to stop coming to work sober
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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