he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize