his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize