Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize