My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize